I guarantee while you were in high school there was at least one girl in your school that everyone knew was the “slut”. She hooked up with a lot of guys, had a pregnancy scare, actually got pregnant, or there was just a rumor about her that spread like wildfire until it couldn’t be stopped. Either way you know exactly who I’m talking about because people just couldn’t stop talking about her.
But what about all the guys she was hooking up with? Or the boyfriend that may have gotten her pregnant? What about them? Yeah it’s probably a little bit more difficult to pinpoint exactly who that was because they weren’t talked about as much. But why not? Guaranteed there was a guy that hooked up with just as many girls as that girl did with guys. So why is his name a little harder to remember?
That’s because of the old age truth that there’s a lot of stuff guys can do that girls just can’t get away with. For example, if a girl has multiple sexual partners she is classified as a “slut”, “hoe”, “whore”, or something else equally degrading. Whereas if a guy has multiple sexual partners he’s seen as “the man” or a “player” but nothing that’s really hurtful. The worst is the line, “Boys will be boys.” So a boy sleeping around is just considered normal but if a girl does it it’s a bad thing?
Well this idea hasn’t staying in high school; it’s travelled with us here to college where the hook-up culture is more widespread and it’s easy for people to know your business.
This mentality that boys are allowed to do what they want whereas girl get shamed for doing the same thing is a little ridiculous. Let me be clear, I’m not promoting hook-up culture. I personally think you should wait until marriage to get the deed done. However, it’s none of business what you do and who you do it with just like it shouldn’t be anyone else’s.
But back to my point, one of the crazy things I’ve heard is a guy saying that a girl was “damaged goods” because of the number of guys she’s slept with. I’m sorry but I don’t get that because I’ve never heard a guy referred to as “damaged goods” because he slept with multiple girls.
It’s a clear case of the double standard. This doesn’t just come from guys, however. Women do this to women as well. I remember being told once that you have to keep your legs closed and you can’t just sleep with any guy because that’s how you’ll get a “reputation”. Though I know this person was trying to be helpful, all I could think was, “Why did I need that warning?” Did she think I was just going to go around “slutting it up” and even if I did why was it anyone’s business if I did?
The thing about girls is that we can be so catty sometimes. We hear about a girl hooking up with someone she just met or one of our friend’s exes or something of that variety and we immediately get a bad impression of her. However, when a guy does the same thing he “scored” and it’s cause for a celebration. Guys will pat their friends on the back for hitting and quitting it but if a girl did the same thing she’d get dirty looks and get told she shouldn’t act that why.
Again, this isn’t to say that a one night stand is a good thing to do but what’s also not good is judging someone for doing so and the fact that the judgment is most often only geared towards women makes it even worse.
Ladies, it’s bad enough that men will look down on us for having sex but it’s even worse to do it amongst ourselves. It’s time we grow up and stop talking bad each other just because someone is getting some. It’s none of your business anyway so bud out.
As for you guys, stop thinking of girls as conquests or something you need to get. We are people not something you win. If we hook up with you it’s not something you have to brag about. Just keep it to yourself. That is all.
Zakiya N. Jamal 