It took me a while to really pinpoint how I was feeling today. Hearing that the police officer who killed Eric Garner was not indicted just added oil to an already burning fire in my heart. I am heart broken. I am angry. I am saddened. This injustice hurts me but it no longer surprises me. That’s what bothers me the most. That suddenly I’ve become used to hearing news like this.
I didn’t really know where to put all this emotion, so I did what I usually do. I wrote. This is a short poem that I wrote today and it helped me express how I’m feeling. Feel free to leave comments and share how you’re feeling. But also please make sure to take care of yourself. Do not wallow in this pain that you may be feeling. Don’t give up. Keep fighting, stay strong, and remember you do matter.
When Will I Matter?
Sometimes I wish I was white.
Of a fairer skin,
Something lighter, someone different.
Maybe then it would be easier.
Living in this place called America
Where the color of my skin determines if I even matter.
Sometimes I wish I was white because maybe then I wouldn’t feel so worried about what would happen to my brothers, my nephew, my cousins, or even me.
Maybe then I’d be less concerned about a cop getting too trigger happy.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be afraid a cop would use my asthma against me.
But no matter how hard I wish, hope, and pray I know the color of my skin will never change.
The only thing I can really pray for is a new system. One that’s not already set up to fail me.
But until then I’ll keep trying, keep pushing, keep asking.
When will my life matter?
Zakiya N. Jamal 